Wake up or don’t wake

This last week.  I don’t know how to explain… I had so much fun with my friend but at the same time there was exam period for me. I don’t know if that’s the right combination.

Well, first about my exams. I know I definitely failed two of them.. But I already know I passed my complex number exam, and I Just hope I have also passed my geometry proving exam. I just want to know the grade already. Can you imagine, it’s such a pain to wait so long, even though I understand. I mean, teachers need time to check exams, and they have to discuss things about them sometimes as well.

But now my week. I definitely slept too less. I think my average sleep was around 4-5 hours a night. It was just too much fun. I mean, take last Tuesday on Wednesday night. Me and my friend stayed up till 4 am my time, so 3 am his time, just talking. It’s insane how fast time can go, but also how fun it can be with. And it wasn’t that we realised what we were doing. It was more talking and joking and such. Snapchatting and laughing about pictures or just different.

And then also memorable was the night from Friday on Saturday. I mean, I already got home late myself because I was seeing a movie with my best friend, and I got home around 23.40. Then I got a question “Wanna play league?” And I was up for it as well. So me and my friend basically played league till 3 am. First we just played with the two of us, and totally wreckt but still lost because our team members were so bad. The second and third game we actually got company from one of my friend’s friends. But we never actually moved our call to the server, so it was just the two of us in a call.

I must say that was quite nice, that his friend couldn’t join in our call. I mean, it’s not like I hate him or so, but sometimes it’s just enough. You don’t know how frustrated I sometimes get by just reading or even scrolling through the server. All the memes, they are so much. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it’s funny also, but when I’m just done with it, everything could be too much.

Then after we were done gaming, we just hanged out. At first I even said I’d only play one game, but it already ended up being 3. Then I decided I can stay up a little bit longer to talk, why not. That little bit ended up being till 6 am. I don’t even know why I didn’t go to sleep, I don’t remember half of the talk we had. It was as I was half asleep sometimes, but at the same time not.

Jay even noticed I wasn’t really talking that much, which I usually do. It’s like this, I usually don’t stop talking unless told to. But that time I was just so tired, that I just didn’t talk that much anymore. I told my friend that he should talk then. And it was only then I laughed because he’s not a talker but he realised that it was quite difficult to actually talk that much.

A while later we ended up Snapchatting again. And even though we usually have a conversation on Snapchat, that day it was just gone, we were just sending pictures to each other, and I was just laying down in bed while doing that.

At some point though, I got a Snap and I just couldn’t stop laughing. I literary put my head in my pillow for a bit so I wouldn’t make too much noise. I think what I could say about the picture was that it was a risky Snap from Jay’s side, and I even heard debating him in the call with himself and maybe sort of to me, whether he should or shouldn’t sent it. Yet I just never really gave a response to that.

A short amount of time later, I got like dam, I can’t even explain, that Snapchat, it was the.. I don’t know how to say it. I guess it was very risky, but at the same time I knew, I just knew he’d sent that at some point. Because that’s how he is. I guess first he was like you’re going to hate me when I sent this, but I told him, no I won’t. And it’s true, I don’t hate him, I mean, how can you love and hate someone at the same time, for me it’s impossible unless the person is called Coon, my bro.

But my reaction to that Snapchat. I just hide my face into my pillow and SaraBeer, my teddy bear. I was just laughing in my pillow for so long and I was just hiding in my blanket fortress because I don’t know, I really didn’t know what to do with it. I became so silent Jay even asked if I was alright at some point. Which I half laughing responded to, but I said I was hiding in my blanket fortress. On which Jay responded, “You are not gonna do that every time I sent you something like this, are you?”

That picture, it made me, I don’t even know, I guess it made me happy? Because I got shared something well.. something. Something I was actually curious about but something I’d NEVER ask for because well, yeah I’m still Star and a little bit innocent I guess. Well, more innocent than Jay is, ahaha.

But that Saturday, I just couldn’t focus my mind at all. Even with bringing around flyers, my mind was still to the conversation we had, referring to the last part. And yet, while I usually am daydreaming while bringing around the flyers, that was just a not-done that day, simply because my mind would make up the most stupid things, or picture that Snapchat again when I just closed my eyes.

Luckily Sunday I was actually able to concentrate and finish both two of my school projects. I still don’t know what to do with my fucked up mind though. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to think of it at all. Should I even think something about it. Or should I be honoured I got to face such thing. I really don’t know. But I guess it takes trust or whatever to send that. Maybe proudness, I don’t know, I really don’t….

Maybe sometimes I’ll know, sometimes whenever that might be. Sometimes when I am ready to know, or when I want to know, sometimes when it feels alright to actually think something about it. And to be completely honest, I just think back on it as a happy moment. I was having fun, and laughing so much, I don’t know. It’s not like I’d hate Jay ever. I don’t get why he’d even think I would. Simply because I love that silly person. (And my silly is something good J)


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